On being a child prodigy, growing up and “being a veteran”
The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. — John Maxwell
I firmly believe that the best (though perhaps the most painful) way to grow is to learn from our mistakes. I often have pondered questions like “what if I had done my Masters and PhD in Chemical Engineering as I had planned all along instead of taking the career path I took with an MBA and a PhD in Environmental Studies?”. Or “should I have ever fallen in love, considering I have been heartbroken?” To Raul of 2011, maybe those decisions were (in hindsight) perhaps probably not the smartest ones. But those decisions made me the Raul I am today.
As I was growing up, I was a child prodigy in many ways. I won many “Youngest Ever” awards. I prided myself in being “the first to achieve X, Y or Z”. This fast-paced, grow-and-adapt-quickly-to-ever-changing-conditions behavior has been a consistent pattern for me. It’s one of the things that makes me realize that the hummingbird is, indeed, my spirit animal (or bird, in this case). I’ve always tried to do more things, faster, quicker, first, before anybody else. And of course, at some point, you grow old enough that you can’t win any more “Youngest Ever” awards. I reached that point when I was a PhD student, in fact.
So why have I always raced to the top, why have I always ran to achieve many things? Well, I have always felt that I will not be part of this living world to grow old. Not sure why but that’s something I have always felt. When I first expressed this to my parents, they were worried. My family and close friends get worried when I remind them that I can’t conceptualize myself in say, 30 years. And no, I absolutely have no suicidal tendencies. I just don’t seem to have the ability to think of myself as growing old. And because I have no idea how much time I have borrowed on this planet, I work incredibly hard to achieve as much as I can in the short time span that I have to live. Because let’s admit it, human beings don’t have precisely very long life spans (80-90 years old max in modern societies?)
But being a grown-up doesn’t necessarily equate with growing old. In the past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on how much more grown-up I feel, in particular as of August 2011. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes. I still do. But I do feel a certain calm. I feel absolutely no need to chase after blogging topics, projects and events. I feel that my blog is moving in a different (and much more focused) pathway. And so am I. As Cathy Browne put it when we had coffee recently, I look and feel older. Not older in the physical aging sense, but in the “old soul” sense. I feel like a veteran. In particular, I feel like a veteran blogger. And my friends seem to agree with this. On three separate occasions I have manifested this “I feel I’m a veteran/an oldie” sensation.
The first time was when I had the chance to hang out with my lovely friends Kate Trgovac and Rosemary Rowe (Kate gave me a laptop bag from her review stash as she knew I needed one) a few weeks ago. I told Kate and Rosemary that for some reason, I feel like I’m one of the veterans, the old guard (let’s face it, I’ve been at this blogging thing for more than 5 years). My peers and friends are many of the “old bloggers”, the established ones. Kate, Rebecca, Tris, Lorraine, Tanya, Airdrie and Derek, Rob and Alex, Arieanna, David, Darren, John, Gus, Isabella, to mention just a few. I told Kate and Rosemary that I didn’t feel in the same kind of “rat race” to achieve success in the blogging sphere as I might have felt a few years ago. For the most part, for whatever is worth and whoever reads my blog, I’m an established blogger.
The second time I thought about this was when Arieanna and Jessica and I had a drink at the Taphouse at the Village in Park Royal a few weeks ago after the Rogers Chocolate store opening. I told Arieanna that I felt older, more established. Like I had achieved with Hummingbird604.com much of what I had set out to accomplish. Many of my dearest and best friends came out of meeting them through the Vancouver Blogger Meetup or at meetups/tweetups/tech events. At drinks with Arieanna and Jessica, feeling that calm sensation of “yes, we were at a media event, but I’m here with a very close and old friend of mine from the blogging world“. I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I just felt… calm.
The third time I thought about this “being a veteran” was this past week at Launch Party Grow. Newer readers of my blog may not know that I owe much of my blogging success (particularly in the early stages) to tech-focused events like Launch Party, Northern Voice and BarCamp. I blogged about and liveblogged these tech events and became friends with the Vancouver tech/startup community and my readership grew by leaps and bounds. This week, even though I was extremely busy with other things, I made a point of attending Launch Party Grow. I felt that I owed it to Maura and Danny, Sonia and Tina to show up to an event that I had never missed and that tries to build community and shine light on the local startup scene. Much of what we do at The Network Hub has a very similar approach and goal. So, yes, I made time in my extremely busy calendar to show up and take photos, say hi to many of my tech friends and blog about Launch Party Grow (post forthcoming).
And recently Cathy Browne also told me that she saw me more poised, focused, calm and “as though I had grown older”. I think I have. And no, I’m not writing a 1,200 word self-praise manifesto. I am just reflecting on the fact that I do, indeed, feel that I’m at a completely different stage in my life. I am nowhere near where I was in 2007. I’ve grown a lot and I have many people to thank for that. Particularly from the blogging community in Vancouver. In fact, I can’t think of myself without adding “blogger” to the definition, despite the fact that my main activity is academic and consultant. Blogging is way too much of a passion and a way of living. It’s too ingrained in my nature. I also think that working on projects with friends (like Jay, John and Minna, Grace, Arieanna, Lisa, Kate and Rebecca) has really changed my view of how much I have in fact accomplished in a short period of time. I feel definitely like a veteran.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
