Narrowing the circles of friends…
When I was a child, I used to get extremely painful canker sores. Even as a teenager. Mostly, they were associated with stress and excess work. But I remember very clearly once when my Mom told me that there was someone who theorized that canker sores were (in part) a result of keeping secrets (secrets that weren’t yours to keep) and/or keeping stuff bottled inside (e.g. not speaking out when something was bothering you).
Whether the theory is true or not, I have to fully admit that I now rarely suffer from canker sores, and that is probably the result of the fact that, given that now I have a blog with a pretty large audience and a voice that is heard, I rarely keep my mouth shut. That’s also part of why I tweet and have other social platforms. In order to NOT keep things bottled inside. So in that spirit, I should admit that I have been my circles of friends narrower, and that the number of people whom I trust is diminishing in number.
This is not at all a reflection on me or my value as a human being, but the direct result of (a) clearly knowing that I no longer can count on some people on whom I thought in the past I could count, and (b) the shift in my priorities and the subsequent change in my routines and goals. This is also the result of (c) people’s priorities shifting too. I am no longer part of the list of priorities of some people, and neither are they.
I have decided in 2012 to only focus on the people, projects and things I am really interested in. I am intent on stopping myself whenever I want to say YES to everything people ask me to do, invite me to do or request that I help with. Now, I am only interested in the people who are interested in me with the same intensity I am interested in them. The people (even if they are only a handful) whom I can trust and ask for help whenever I need it. And those who are part of my circle of priority friends know they are there, and know the reason behind.
Yes, I am learning to say no. I am learning to not accept pressure to do anything I don’t want to do. And yes, I’m narrowing the circles of friends, and speaking out about it too. And speaking out never felt this good.
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