Guest post: On coming home, by Jules Morgan
Over the course of the last 12 years, I have moved continents, countries and cities, changed my address so many times even I can’t remember them all, never staying long enough to feel at home before packing up and finding somewhere new. Last June, as I was packing up my apartment in the West End, dividing my belongings into piles to be sold or given away, boxes of books and kitchen stuff to go into storage for who knew how long, and the remainder to take with me as I settled into my best friend’s flat for a few months, I wrote about this transience space and the struggle to find a space that was my own.
Fast forward a year, and here I am transient once more. Moving this month from my last safe space, to a small basement suite and then with friends as the days spill over and get closer and closer to the end of the month. More of my belongings are in storage and the rest is stuffed into various bags that are being lugged from here to there. Until, once the month ends, ‘there’ will be my new home.
This morning I signed the last of the papers, my curling signature black against various legal indemnities, a dull symbol of everything that it means to me to finally be going someplace of my very own. I have cancelled the lease on my storage unit, bought a sofa and collected paint swatches. I have arranged movers and internet connection, acquired an old dresser and chairs. The table that was shipped from London will finally have a space so my friends can sit around it.
This year was that pinnacle where it all started to fall into place, where everything was stripped bare and I spent weeks walking around feeling as if I was dust, and there were so any twists and turns that I found myself headed in different directions from one day to the next, until one day, on a whim, I found a space that just seemed to just feel ‘right’. 4 hours later, the first of many forms were signed, my offer was accepted and the waiting began.
I know how deep this transience, in the past, has kept me at arms’ length from so many things, of feeling grounded and safe. Over the last few months, I have also been working on this, trying to find that safe space inside of me, of feeling whole and grounded and not wanting to pack up and run away. Today, as I signed those papers, it wasn’t just a property I was buying. I felt something loose in me finally find its niche. I think I have answered my question from last year, I have found that comfort in my heart. The rest is just as simple as going home. Next week, I’ll do just that.
Jules Morgan is a wonderful human being who I am honored to call a friend. She is as much a citizen of the world as I am, and she is also a great foodie and wine connoisseur. She blogs now on WordPress.com, which rocks!
This is Entry # 18 of 49
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