On pregnancies and parenthood

Before everybody stops the presses and thinks I’ve basically won a million dollars, no, I’m NOT pregnant. That’s simply, biologically impossible (so far, despite the movie “Junior” with the Governator). I just simply got to thinking a lot about pregnancies and parenthood because of events that have happened this year. Several of my good friends from the blogging community are pregnant.

Kerry is due any day soon. Arieanna is about mid-way through her pregnancy (if I’m not mistaken she’s due in October), and I just recently found out that Karen is also expecting (about 3 months, I am guessing – need to re-check her blog post). Outside the social media/blogging/tech community, my friend CS is also due any time soon, my friend DLB just informed me that she’s due in October (she let me know a bit late, I would think!) and my friend MA (who wrote the post Mom, PhD for me last year – she does blog but we became friends before she started blogging) is also pregnant.

All of this (as well as the fact that I’m good friends with many sets of parents both of whom are immersed in the tech community, like Rob Cottingham and Alex Samuel from Social Signal, Mandy and David Gratton from Work at Play, Jordan Behan and Alex Lee Behan to mention just a few) made me think a lot and reflect about the changes that parenthood brings on to people’s lives. At this point, of the 5 boys my parents had, I’m the only one who is single and child-less. I’m the best uncle you can get and I adore babies and little kids (as long as they’re not stomping on my ceiling at 6 am).

But I have changed my approach to parenthood. I’m no longer bent on the idea of being a parent (as I was about a year ago). Last year I said:

Disclosure time – 97% (and by that, I mean 97%) of my friends in Mexico are married with children. Three of my closest friends are still single but the vast majority are married with children. So, whenever I am invited out to parties, the registration fee is bringing a child with me. I am SO not kidding. At one of the latest parties I went to when I was in Mexico last, NOBODY except me had anything less than 2 kids. No kidding. Yay, THIS is my scene (NOT!)

I am single by choice, and I am child-less by choice too (technically speaking, it’d be easier for me to have a child if I were a woman should I chose to do so simply by biological design – given that for better or worse, I came with male equipment, thank you very much, and I love it the way it is and wherever it is located, that solution is simply not there). I have this inner desire to be a father because I do admire my parents (I firmly believe both of them played a great role in my upbringing). I admire my brothers as parents. It’d be nice to be a Dad. It would be lovely.

But this year, I say … “wow, what a great responsibility. Um, I’ll think about that some time later“. I also can see the changes in people’s lives. No more “let’s hang out at 5 meetups a week, go for beers, go crazy, etc.” – and I get a bit nostalgic. But then again, from what I hear, parenthood (regardless of whether you’re a single mom or a single dad or a coupled partner) is fantastic. So, in the spirit of the nostalgia that I’ve been feeling, here’s a toast to my friends who are fathers, mothers, or fathers-to-be and mothers-to-be. And also a celebration to us who have decided NOT to have children too. I promise I’ll try to be a good uncle to my nieces and nephews that are coming to this world in the next few weeks and months.

Related posts:

1. Friends are the family you choose
2. I want to be a dad
3. Shameless, really shameless
4. The hard task of parenting
5. The reversal of roles in parenthood