Living to the fullest, Raul’s style

I had a very pleasant discussion a few nights ago with a very close friend of mine where he was saying “I admire your zest for life. You can live to the fullest, and that’s something not everybody can do“. I was flattered but also kept wondering… can you teach someone how to live his/her life to the fullest? I am not 100% sure I was taught how to do it, but I know for sure that a part of me rationally has made the decision to be intense about everything in my life, particularly after learning what I learned a few years ago about my birth.

My late Grandma was a registered nurse and midwife, and she was there for two of my brother’s births (she basically brought them to this world). When my Mom was pregnant with me, my Grandma thought she was capable of helping my Mom give birth. However, after a few hours of labour, she realized that there might be something wrong, so she called my Dad.

My Dad and my Grandma took my Mom to the hospital, where (after analyzing the situation) one of my Mom’s best friends (and a great gyn-ob specialist) told Mom and Dad “actually the baby is breech, and he has the umbilical cord around his neck — so unless we get him out quickly, he might start suffering and/or die“. Of course, you can imagine my parents freaked out. However, this doctor and his team were phenomenal and managed to get me out just in time (and while they used forceps, they managed to avoid hurting me or my Mom). And so I was born, healthy and in one piece.

Fast-forward a couple of decades. The second-to-last last time I went to Mexico (2006), my parents and I went out for dinner before they drove me to the airport (I was flying back to Vancouver). While we were eating dinner, I was telling my Dad that a lot of people in Canada seemed to be quite surprised by my emotional intensity and at how hard I’ve worked at everything I’ve done and he answered quite openly “well, maybe the fact is that you fought so hard to be alive when you were just about to be born that maybe you’ve decided since then to just live to the fullest – to make the best of the chance you were given – at least, that’s my theory“.

When I first heard his response, I was a bit shocked, but my Dad’s theory does make sense. After having that conversation with my parents I have wondered if my parents have imbued this sense of urgency in me (given that they were the ones who witnessed how close I had been to dying). I have always felt a sense of urgency, and that’s why I have dabbled in so many things and tried so much stuff through the years (that is the rational part of me).

While I’m not sure that I was taught how to live my life to the fullest, I have to wonder if I was sub-consciously trained to be intense. Did my parents’ said something to me while I was asleep or half-asleep that simply has clicked in my brain? I am not about to call them and ask them, so I guess the question will always be there, but at the same time, I feel somewhat helpless in that I don’t know how to teach my loved ones how to live so intensely. And truth of the matter is, maybe they don’t even want to!

Anyway, just thinking out loud here. I am happy with who I am and I am very grateful for having reached the point that I am at. I’ve come close to dying a few times, and I’m still here, so there must be a reason, and while I may not know what this reason is, I’m just going to keep working hard at doing the best I can with what I’ve got while I am on this planet. I do know what makes me happy, and that’s a great gift. I’m not perfect by any measure, but I’m very, very happy with who I am. Maybe that’s part of being fulfilled. Maybe that’s part of “living to the fullest”…

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