That’s a totally great question, Raul. I’m sure that you’d get a hundred different answers if you asked a hundred different people. Whether it’s toxic or not depends on the mindset of who you ask. Sadly, there are some people who thrive on their trust funds, designer threads and being the best looking. For them, this city is just fuel. To others, like myself and seemingly yourself, Vancouver has the potential to destruct. I’m not sure if it’s just this city or if every major metropolis has its own share of poison. I suppose one can only hope that they have a network of grounded, level-headed people to hold them where they should be. I am fortunate to have such a group – it’s what keeps me sustained.

Yes, Keira-Anne, we do share a very similar view on this particular issue, and it seems as though we are both very lucky in having a network of people who keeps us sustained. The question that often eats my guts is – what can I do about those who don’t have such a network, and how can I help them? That’s one of the many reasons why I accepted to Bowl for Big Brothers and why I Blogathon.
See you on Sunday! Can’t wait!

[...] have had very little fanfare. That’s too bad, since numerous people I have talked to think of Vancouver as a non-caring city. It would seem to me as though this campaign could (and should) be taken up by [...]

This is a subject close to my heart…because I have had just awful experiences in Vancouver.

Vancouver is a cold city – my only good friend here is Matt, and he’s not even from here. I lived here since elementary school and, when I moved back to Canada after about five years away, my old friends turned out to be pricks. One good friend, when I called her two weeks after my first phone call, said, “Why are you calling me twice in a month.” Other friends had impossibly booked schedules and could see me never. Two friends just up and dumped me once because some guy on the street handed me a rose once (they were used to getting all the attention). Another friend who habitually broke off dates with me to go to Okanagan wine country with her boyfriend freaked out when I had to decline an invitation because my mother came to visit me from out of the country. Grr.

I’ve lived in other places and had literally hundreds of friends. I’ve also visited other places and people were extremely kind. In New York, strangers were constantly making conversation with me; also, a blogger rode the train for two hours to NYC to come and meet me.

No one in Vancouver can even drive 30 minutes to meet me. I was stood up by all my friends except one for my stupid bridal shower which I didn’t even want until one of the friends who stood me up insisted. Yeah, it was pretty lonely. Anyhow, I have too many stories about how mean and nasty people are here.

I hate Vancouver and I hope one day Matt will come around and see it and then we can move somewhere with nice people. (That said, there are a few nice people like you, who amaze me.)

Thanks for the comment, Maktaaq. Personally, I think you and math both are awesome and look forward to hanging out again!

I meant Matt from Onomatopoeia! But math is also awesome.

[...] The stage design was phenomenal, as the stage manager recreated a full floor with different apartments (although we could very easily see through). I was deeply moved and strongly connected with the themes of the play. As you may remember, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, I’ve previously written about the sense of aloofness in Vancouverites and asked the question whether Vancouver is a toxic city. [...]

It saddens me to see these posts. In particular, some of the comments that have come before me. It’s heartbreaking, really.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me I don’t find Vancouver to be heartless or toxic. I was born and raised in this city, but I have spent time living in other parts of the country…although, in much smaller communities.

Yes, people in Vancouver are busy. Yes, some friends come and go. However, if I choose to build strong relationships with people I think that it’s possible here. I see it amongst the people that I know and love as well.

I found love in that small Canadian town, and I’ve found it here in the big city. You only need to have an open heart.

I just don’t see Vancouver the same way. I’m not sure why, but I’m also wondering if I’m the only born-and-raised Vancouverite in this thread thus far.

I have a lot of friends in Vancouver, and if anything entering and leaving the various social circles of the city seems extraordinarily fluid.

At the risk of appearing too pointed on this subject, I think it is faintly ridiculous to over-generalize about the “personality” of a city. Vancouver, like most cosmopolitan metropolises of its size, contains multitudes.

At the risk of deploying a lot of cliches for just one post, if you’re not finding what you want, socially, in Vancouver, you’re probably running with the wrong crowd. Not that I can tell you what the right crowd to run in is; I’ve had a lot of luck hanging out with degenerate bicycle racers and antisocial bloggers

@ Ryan and @ Sebastian – As you might have noticed from my post, I feel as though I’m one of the lucky ones who have awesome friends here. I was asking the question because some people have told me they feel that the city is cold, and/or toxic.

In my own case, I’ve been privileged with creating a wonderful network of friends. Social media/blogging has given me great friends (yourselves included – in the case of Ryan, I got to meet TLO as well!)

I’m feeling slightly worried about this after reading the post and comments (me and my fiancee are both moving to Vancouver next year). We have a lot of friends in the UK (though only see a handful regularly) so feel slightly worried about the isolation we may experience.

I just plan to ‘put myself out there’ and and get myself in the right situations to make friends by joining groups, evening class’s, and going along to meetups etc I’m hoping this will be enough!

Having been born and raised in Vancouver, I don’t think that the lack of social contact is unique here. Everyone is “busy” doing their own thing, dealing with family issues as the population ages, and just not valuing their committments to friends.

The way it was:
When we were kids, everyone on the street knew everyone else well enough to say hello. All the kids played together dispite age differences. We had street parties in the summer, all got our sleighs to slide down the street (NB: We use to get snow like we have now in those days) in the winter, helped each other when stuck with a yard project or stuck in the snow and played in the 2 pools on the street.

Today, there are only about 4 homes with the original family members in them. These 4 households still keep in touch but the rest seem keep to themselves.

What did it take to get neighbours talking again? The snow storm this winter. The snow brought people out to clear their driveways and paths.

Hopefully the snow storm this year will bring back the social aspect of living in a neighbourhood and people will realize that your neighbours can be friends too.

This is long overdue but I feel the need to post because I’m sure many still read this. I agree with some of the above posters that labelling Vancouver as a “toxic” or unfriendly city is very worrisome. And a label that I don’t necessarily agree with, as a born-and-raised Vancouverite, although I’ve heard it before and don’t deny that it’s an aspect of this city.

However, like others have mentioned, cities are dynamic places with multiple layers and many, many social circles, so you can’t really paint it with one brush.

I’ve travelled to other cities usually on my own and have had mixed experiences. Some cities (Antwerp, Belgium) I’ve met and befriended locals and had a fantastic experience. Others (Sydney, Australia) I’ve had a great social circle but realized it’s almost exclusively comprised of other ex-pats and travellers– so not, perhaps, an accurate depiction of a truly local experience in the city.

I lived in Edinburgh, Scotland for a year and had heard overwhelmingly positive things about it– many people said it felt like home, they loved it, they never wanted to leave, etc. When I got there, I found most of the locals to be cold, caught-up in their own lives and only preoccupied with their own status, with no interest in befriending a Canadian, particularly when they found out I’d be gone in a year anyway. It was a very lonely experience for me and I did not enjoy living there– I was relieved to return to Vancouver. However, I still have friends who adore it there and have had quite the opposite experience, finding it a very warm and friendly city.

I’ve grown up in Vancouver my whole life but my social circles have changed over the years. After returning from abroad, my social circle had dissolved and I had to start from scratch. After my lonely experience in Edinburgh I took initiatives to meet people, and like-minded people at that. I joined clubs (UBC is great for that, and you don’t have to be a student to join most) and went on surf trips, camp trips, or city events. Yes, most people are here for the outdoors, but Vancouver also can have great cultural events lurking under the surface. What I found was that by taking initiative and investing energy in it, I ended up with a really fantastic group of friends.

I get sick of people writing off Vancouver as non-friendly and cold– I empathize with them, because I felt that in Edinburgh. But I also believe that you cannot write of an entire city as cold or unfriendly– cities are far too dynamic for that.

One thing I really like about Vancouver– I find that many people I meet are from anywhere but here. What is unique about that is that most people also *choose* to be here. They’ve come here for a reason. I’ve met world-class snowboarders, avid rockclimbers, scientists and artists who have all made the decision to be here– so they show an enthusiasm and initiative I’ve never really seen anywhere else. They’ve made decisions to leave their homes, and generally that’s because Vancouver offers them something nowhere else does. I really like that about the people here.

Anyway I do think that Vancouver is more dynamic than people give it credit for so I had to write this very long post. Thanks.

The area is great, All the things I want are ariund here. The people on the other hand. I have been shoot by a pelet gun, paint balled, my front window broken twicw, notes left telling me to get the hell out, dog kicked so hard her leg got broken, a canine tooth kicked out, hit by a cane, then an unbrealla, egged. Yea they are real friendly.