One of the reasons why I often regret not living in Mexico for as long as I have is because I have missed the opportunity to spend more time with those family members who are no longer with us. Sure, I have followed my dreams and tried to make them proud by succeeding in a foreign country, but the regret remains, and so do the painful memories.

One of the reasons why I support cancer-focused charities so strongly is because that way, I channel my energies, my anger, my pain and my loss towards something constructive. Yes, I hate cancer. Yes, I hate that it took from me the one person that was a second mother to me, the one who, without being her own child, treated me like her son, and focused in my growth and development almost as much as my own parents did. And beyond that, cancer has continued to take the lives of several of my loved ones, my Aunt M, my grandma, my friend Derek K. Miller, the list goes on.

The beginning of February, for these reasons, is always challenging to me. I’m not in a social mood, and yet I have several social commitments. If you see me grumpy or in a foul mood, I hope you understand why. February 1st is a reminder to me that the fight against cancer is not won yet.

Related posts:

1. Why February 1st hurts so much
2. Starting February with challenges
3. Mourning the loss of a loved one

Sometimes it gets bumpy. And while I’m pretty successful, sometimes there are disappointments and letdowns. At times, things don’t turn out the way I want them. And on very, very rare occasions, I feel the desire to just do absolutely nothing. Stay still. Sleep for hours and hours and not wake up until the worst has passed.

But the reality is, I am always inspired by the love that surrounds me. The excitement of the projects I am working on. The eagerness of my students. The smart brains of my colleagues. And in the worst of adversities, I am reminded of people who day after day, struggle with their lives and keep going. They never stop. They never give up. Some people I am close to (and I won’t name them to respect their privacy) have been dealt pretty bad cards in the game of life. And yet, they keep going. They wake up in the morning, and make sure to continue on. If they are unemployed, they send resumes. They work on polishing their skills. They find other sources of engagement with society, like volunteering, or collaborating on non-profit projects.

I am always in awe of people who, while struggling to keep their heads above water, they still do it. I have been dealt amazing cards in my own life. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends, a job I love, students who value my mentorship and teaching, and opportunities in all the different worlds I navigate. Far from me to complain about anything, really. But whenever I feel even remotely the slightest desire to feel sorry for myself (for being overworked, for being too busy, for any of the minutia that often pass through our lives), I always look around. I look at my fridge and see the photos of my nephews and nieces, and they inspire me. They inspire me to keep going, to thrive, to be a success and to be a role model to them.

I look at my neighbour who has overcome so much and completed her undergraduate degree even later in life. I look around and see how many people keep the good fight. And then all that I get drilled into my brain is these five words: never stop, never give up.

And I do. I keep going. At the usual, fast-paced velocity of the hummingbird.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Related posts:

1. How much readership would I lose if I were to stop blogging for a while?
2. Ten suggestions on how to give good talks
3. The Give Music project

Related posts:

1. Adjusting your schedule to your biological clock
2. Raul’s 6 Tips to Manage Yourself as a Project: Schedule Your Plans To The Very Minute
3. My Fall 2010 schedule (for PR pros and journalists alike)

If you follow me on Foursquare, you may have noticed that for the past few weeks, I have been “checking in” at 604insomnia. This, I wasn’t the creator of. Somebody else came up (@mini604) with the witty idea of congregating (as a moving target, not a specific location) all of us who have been suffering from insomnia and live in the Vancouver (or near by) area. Mine is purely stress-related. I have so much work, that even with the steps I took to unload some of my responsibilities, I still have trouble sleeping. AND, I have done most of the old-fashioned, proven remedies.

I’ve counted sheep, drank warm milk. I’ve taken also taken natural remedies such as melatonin, etc. The problem with melatonin is that once I take it, it is much harder for me to stay awake and remain alert throughout the day. So, when my natural sleep cycle is altered, I can no longer do the 4:45 am wake up call and I end up having trouble throughout the day. This situation has not been so extreme that I have to go to the doctor, but if it does not improve soon I will definitely have to pay a visit to my nearest physician!

No related posts.

You may have seen this one coming. I announced last year a blogging hiatus and this year I’m indicating a reduced blogging schedule. What happened in 2011 that made me reconsider the way I approach blogging? Well, for starters: I had to hire help. And for seconds, I just can’t keep up. Last year I had the heaviest teaching load I ever have had (5 courses in total) and that nearly destroyed me. Not even waking up at 4:45am I could deal with everything I set to do. And now that I’m having insomnia, it’s not helping either. So I have decided that I am only going to take on the projects I actually realistically can do.

This means as well that the likelihood that I will accept a multi-post, travel-type kind of project will be higher, whereas smaller projects I might not have the time to blog about them. You may wonder “well, you could possibly copy-and-paste the press releases on to your blog“. Yeah, no. That doesn’t work for me. It will detract from my hard-earned SEO and it really won’t add as much value. I have tested copying-and-pasting press releases on my blog’s Facebook and Google Plus pages and people seem a bit more receptive there.

What does a reduced blogging schedule mean for the Vancouver arts community (given that so much of my blog’s focus is dance, theatre, music, etc.)? Well, what that means is – if I can attend the play and/or the music show and/or the dance show, I will (and write about it through at least one of my social platforms). But this also means that I may just do what I started doing last year: passing on the opportunities to other bloggers, like Lauren Kresowaty (who herself has a background in theatre!) or Anabelle Bernard Fournier (my former intern, who also writes her own blog), or ask other friends to guest-blog on my behalf, like the lovely Dianne Chow did this past year, and like Lois Patterson has done a few times (or my friends Minna Van and Lisa Thomas-Tench, who also have written some guest blog posts for me).

What this means in terms of sharing the pie and still providing exposure while maintaining my sanity is that there will be more people who will be sitting at the table and sharing from the collective pie that is the wonderful opportunities that I am afforded. By connecting PR folks who pitch me with other local bloggers, I am able to still play a key role in fostering the growth of our local communities. And it will also enable other voices to come to the forum.

I will still keep my trusted contacts and networks at hand, and whenever possible, I will work on specific blogging projects. But you will not see the usual 5-7 blog posts per day. You may, however, very likely see a couple of new books I’m working on! All of this is part of my resolution to, in 2012, embrace change.

Related posts:

1. Schedule your posts throughout the week (Blogging 201)
2. Blogging about blogging, Twittering about Twitter…
3. Use an offline blogging tool (Blogging 201)

Earlier this year I wrote:

Even though my blog has evolved to a smorgasbord that blends my personal journey and a storytelling process whereby I share my life in Vancouver, the restaurants I eat at, the performing arts shows I see, the places I travel too, and bits and pieces of different events in Vancouver and all over the province, it is still my own personal canvas. It’s mine, and mine only, no one else’s. My 2010 focused on my own personal growth. And grow I did. And in what way! My 2011 saw me make myself a priority

In my 6-months report, I indicated that I had done, for the most part, exactly that. I indicated that in the fall of 2011, I would do only things for myself, things that made me grow. Of the goals I set myself with, I am quite pleased to report that at least, I did 2 out of 3, and 1 more or less. I only took really 2 weeks off, not three, but I kept focusing on my academic development, and I did come back to competitive volleyball. My knees are still hurting, but I have done exactly what I promised myself I would do.

In the fall of 2011, I hired 2 interns (as I mentioned I would have to do), Anabelle Bernard Fournier and Jessica Brodeur. The experience of having interns was a really positive one on many aspects. Anabelle and Jessica worked really hard and really shared my philosophy of covering events to help people and increase the exposure of worthy causes. The only relatively negative one is that the demand for my blog grew instead of staying stable, and of course, once the internship ended, I was left with a lot more work than I had ever planned to do.

My goal in 2012 is to share the wealth, as I have started doing in 2011. I will not attend as many events as I get invited, and I will not promote as many projects as I am pitched. But given my position as one of Vancouver’s most well-read and connected bloggers and social media specialists, I think I can safely redirect some of those pitches and requests for promotion to other bloggers (including my own former interns, something I’ve already done – redirect projects to them). Their traffic may not be as big as mine, and the exposure may not be as large, but at least, there will be promotional mechanisms for worthy causes. And the collective combined traffic and exposure of those who promote the projects I can’t will definitely account for a lot.

My view in the past few years is that some people in the social media community in Vancouver hog the opportunities. They want to be invited everywhere, and be part of every event and every party. Why not redistribute the wealth? Why not ensure that we have a variety of voices writing about the amazing things that are happening in our beautiful city?

At least, that’s going to be my objective moving forward: I will be doing a lot less projects, but I will do the projects I find interesting and I find I have the energy to go through. It will be a challenge, but it won’t be impossible. And I think, at the end of the day, emerging bloggers will feel better that more opportunities are coming their way, instead of resenting the success I (or any other large-scale blogger) have had.

2012 for me will be a year of delegating and redistributing. Hopefully I will continue to have an army of collaborators who will be able to tackle promotional projects along the way, and walk the walk with me.

Related posts:

1. 2011 in review: A year of personal loss
2. My 2011 Manifesto: Status Update at Mid-Year
3. 2011: The year of the budget

Usually, I publish my Manifesto for the year a month in advance. This year, 2011, has been so hectic and exhausting I did not have the time to really write a Manifesto the way I have done in 2010 and 2011, and I was worried I would start the year without an actual theme and series of goals for the year. Luckily, I had the time to reflect in the past few days on what I want out of 2012. There are a few major goals, and those goals will require that I embrace change. Even if embracing that change means shutting down Hummingbird604.com, moving to another city/country and/or making my already smaller circles of friends, even smaller.

This year, I will go beyond what I did in previous years. I am already someone integrated again: I play volleyball, I do art, I am an intellectual and a humanist. This 2011 I did indeed concentrate on making myself a priority. In 2012, I am fully embracing change. Whatever changes 2012 brings to my life, I will embrace them happy and fully. I may be a completely different person in 2012 from what you knew in previous years, and that will be alright.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

UPDATE – I now realize why Embracing Change is my motto. This is a photo of my good friend Mat Wilcox and me in 2010. And then look at our hair in 2011. Embracing change is what makes us stronger.

Related posts:

1. On shaving my head and embracing change
2. Calgary designated as the Cultural Capital of Canada 2012
3. Bard on the Beach Season 2011 tally and 2012 preview

I think that one of the best ways to summarize 2011 for me is: amazing professionally, a lot of pain and personal loss on the personal realm. I set out to accomplish a lot of things that I am enroute to completing, I did a lot of stuff earlier this semester, and to a certain extent, I fulfilled all my goals for the fall (including coming back to competitive volleyball). But man, I really could do with a do-over on the number of losses I and my loved ones experienced this year.

This fall I got sick again (a week-long cold that put me out of my misery for a whole week, rendering me, for the most part, unconscious for the better part of that period), not surprising as this year I had a full 5 courses load (my normal load is 1-2, so 3 in total), on top of my own consulting and research. I have been waking up on weekends telling myself “I have so much work to do!” But in general, my health has been really good. Unfortunately, not the case with many of my loved ones.

Friends of mine lost their life partners in some cases, and in others other extended family members, close family members of mine passed away as well. This has been a terrible year in terms of how much personal loss there has been. And it affects me and my personal relationships as well because these losses have an impact on the people I love and on myself as well: how do I best support people who are in the midst of the pain of losing a loved one, when I myself have lost people I love this year? It’s been tough.

Here’s a hope that 2012 is better in all realms, not only the professional one.

Related posts:

1. 2011: a year of loss
2. My 2011 year in review: Focusing on myself before helping others
3. Doing things for my personal growth for the fall 2011

The reality is, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have just about everything I need (maybe not everything I want, but definitely everything I need). I’m alive, complete, fulfilled, and given the circumstances of my birth, I have so much to be thankful for to my parents, especially my Mom. There is a back story to this, as my parents tell me.

When my Mom came to complete her full term, my Grandma tried to help her deliver at home (my Grandma was a registered ob-gyn nurse, and a labor doula, so she had plenty training to help my Mom with my birth – she helped with my previous brothers). At the time, after hours and hours of painful labor, my Grandma realized I was not able to come out and that there were probably other medical reasons why, so my Dad and Grandma took my Mom to the hospital, where luckily, they bumped into my Mom’s best friend (an ob-gyn doctor who quickly assessed the situation and got me out using forceps).

A few years ago, my Dad and I were at a social gathering with a few of his friends, and his friends noted that my personality was vivacious and I looked very fulfilled. My Dad said to them the same thing he told me a couple of years later: he was so close to not actually being born that he probably lives intensely to make the most of life, because he is thankful to be alive. In 2006, Mom, Dad and I had a more in-depth conversation about this topic, and I was really touched. My parents believed in me and the medical capacity of the people who helped deliver me into this world. And that’s one of the reasons I am incredibly thankful. I almost wasn’t born, and I’m still here, alive and thriving. I have suffered heartbreak, and survived it even though I completely thought I would die of the pain.

I’m thankful to be alive, to do the things I love to do, and get paid for it, to have the friends and family I have and to have succeeded in the realms I have ever decided to venture, academia first and foremost, but blogging included. That is, indeed, why I would have no problem quitting at all. If I were ever to quit blogging or doing anything I do, I still would be happy just simply because I was given an opportunity to do what I do. I live to the fullest because I am every day, every minute of my life saying to my parents “thanks, thanks for helping me get here and making of me who I am right now”.

Related posts:

1. Happy American Thanksgiving!
2. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving
3. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving – What I’m thankful for…

Contrary to my (rather illustrious) career in volleyball, retiring from blogging is a choice I could easily make. Not a decision that would be prompted because something more forceful would take me out. In the case of volleyball, I HAD to quit. There would be no way I would be EVER able to play competitively to the provincial and national levels. Not with that injury.

But in blogging, it’s different. I didn’t start out blogging to make a name for myself. I didn’t start with the goal to be the biggest, best, more relevant blogger in Vancouver. I started because I wanted to have a voice and to be heard. I still do. I still blog because I love it, not because I need it. I attend events and write about them, because I find something interesting to say about them. I don’t NEED to be invited. I can, and I often am, but I decline hundreds of invites. HUNDREDS.

I know there’s a number of bloggers in Vancouver out to make a name for themselves. They feel competitive, they feel the need to have a place in the social media space. I don’t. I understand where you, all those social media types, are coming from. You can go and chase invites, try to make your mark. Go ahead. Ask, demand if you feel compelled. I am not competing with you. I’m not competing with anyone. Not even with myself.

I have been meditating on the possibility of retiring Hummingbird604.com. And whenever that possibility comes to my mind, I think about all I have accomplished. I have given the Vancouver (and Canadian) arts community (dance, theatre, fine arts) a voice. I have promoted innumerable non-profits. I have fundraised using the power of my blog and I have made a mark on many, many people’s lives. I could retire any time now and I would be retiring at the top of my game.

It’s American Thanksgiving and there are many reasons why I am giving thanks. I am thankful for the friends who are honest with me (and am thankful to those who are dishonest too, because you know, I know that you are lying and talking behind my back even when you think I can’t even tell — you really don’t know me at all). I am thankful to the people who stand by my side and have my back whenever everybody else doesn’t. I am thankful for the amazing online community I have built. I am thankful that I have established a presence and done the things I love for as long as I have.

If I *ever* retire Hummingbird604.com, if I ever stop blogging, I know I have done it with the utmost integrity, with the best interest of my community at heart, and despite the numerous attacks (anonymous and not-so-anonymous) I have received. I have, indeed, done my best, where I’ve been, with whatever I can.

Related posts:

1. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving – What I’m thankful for…
2. The game of politics in Canada, the US and the local levels
3. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, 2011 edition

November 1st and 2nd are special days in Mexico, as we celebrate All Souls Day (or All Saints Day) on November 1st and November 2nd we honor our deceased, Day of the Dead. Normally, if I were in Mexico, I would go to my late Aunt’s, Grandpa and Grandma’s graves at the cemetery, bring flowers and say a prayer. This is a family tradition and we normally do it all together, particularly if our visit to Mexico coincides with the Day of the Dead. Unfortunately, right now I’m in Canada and I won’t be able to do this nor take time off to reflect on my loved ones who passed away. I have so much work, even after announcing my blogging hiatus, that I can’t even take time off.

This year has been one of intense loss, and one where death has touched me more than once up close (my dear friend Derek K. Miller passed away earlier this year, as did my cousin… my cousin was my age and left behind a daughter. Derek left behind his loving wife, my dear friend Airdrie, his daughters and his parents, and a whole lot of people who miss him dearly, myself included).

Today, the Day of the Dead, I want to take a moment to honor those of my loved ones who have passed away. I miss you. I miss you SO MUCH. More than you can imagine.

Related posts:

1. Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos)
2. Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos)
3. Chip’s Not Dead Yet Memorial Mile (Saturday, June 20th, 2009)

So, I’m taking a leave of absence. That means that yes, you WILL see content here, but it will be primarily content that I had either pre-scheduled or committed to do. That also means that I will NOT be accepting new pitches until January. Sorry.

I have a number of academic commitments that I need to comply with and I’m physically and mentally exhausted. To those of you with whom I already committed to do things – your content will be published and coverage will be provided. Everyone else, I am not accepting anything new until January 2012.

Sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.

QUICK SUMMARY REGARDING PR PITCHES – While you can still email me about a pitch for a project, I will not be accepting any new pitches until January 2012. If we have already agreed on blog coverage for an event/charity/performance, and I can make it, I will blog about it. If I can’t make it or anything in my plans has changed, I will also let you know (and I won’t blog about it). If a short tweet or Facebook wall (or Google Plus) posting can be of help, let me know and I might be able to fit something in. Just the long form, I can’t promise anything beyond my current commitments (those that I’m hoping to clear by early next week).

Related posts:

1. One month after the hiatus: on friendships, blogging and the future
2. Hiatus
3. A short hiatus

ML was kind enough to brave the tourist crowds in Montmartre and find me a glass-blown hummingbird at an artist’s shop. She brought it for me for my birthday (which was just a couple of weeks ago). Could not have been more timely. In the past few months, I have been feeling a really strong nomadic desire.

Don’t get me wrong: I love Vancouver, and I have the best framework for success here. I teach at one of the top Canadian universities, have some of the brightest undergraduate students any academic could ask for, and I have wonderful academic and consulting colleagues. I have one of the fullest and happiest lives of anybody I know. I have amazing friends and someone who fills my life and completes me in ways I never thought could be possible.

Yet, I’m feeling nomadic again. I’ve travelled the world, lived in Europe, North America, and I consider myself a citizen of the world. And the more I think about it, the more I think I’m going to move to Paris in the short term. Not sure when, and not sure how, but I think I’ll end up teaching at Sorbonne Nouvelle in Paris, or more likely, Sciences Po.

Sciences Po is a selective and diverse French university specialising in the humanities and social sciences. It devotes 40% of its budget to research

It’s timely that I now own (and have in my office at The Network Hub campus New Westminster) a Parisian hummingbird. For all I know, I might be the Parisian hummingbird, much sooner than you think. That’s the life of the academic, and the life of a traveller who has been living abroad for decades.

Despite this, let me tell you Vancouver: Je t’aime.

Related posts:

1. The Lioness behind the Hummingbird
2. The hummingbird as my symbol
3. April White’s “Hummingbird I” (Powell River, Sunshine Coast) #scac2011

“Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism.
– David M. Burns”

The husband of one of my best friends is a PhD in psychology who has studied perfectionism for a very long time. The irony is, despite the fact that I had him near me to have a conversation about his research every day when we lived on campus residence, I never really paid much attention to what he was studying, even though I am a perfectionist myself, in spite of the fact that I come from a family of overachievers who are very much perfectionists themselves, and despite the reality that I sometimes have found myself self-berating for not achieving some sort of semi-impossible perfect standard. While never paid much attention to it, I did find it fascinating that psychologists would be interested in understanding perfectionism.

I KNOW I’M A PERFECTIONIST. I always have been. I really sometimes don’t know why, but I know I am. I like things well done, and sometimes I have a hard time when I fail. This is not news to me. But I am far from perfect. I am quite imperfect. I am fallible. And I’m quite ok with that.

I’m ok with it now.

Before, I would continue to self-flagellate until I achieved some sort of inner peace. I would work twice, three times as hard. But lately I have come to the realization again that perfection is not the goal. Success is what I strive for. I want to be successful, not perfect.

Recently, I realized that I put an inordinate amount of pressure on myself, on doing too many things for too many people. I’m quite successful at completing multiple projects, but sometimes things slip. Blogging is one of them. This weekend, I realized that I hadn’t blogged about some events, theatre shows, etc. Even after the fact that now 2 interns collaborate with me, sometimes that’s not even enough and I have to say NO, SORRY, CAN’T DO IT to way too many pitches I receive. I’ve dropped the ball in more than one case, and while this is improving with having Anabelle and Jessica to give me a hand, sometimes things slip through the cracks.

AND I FEEL HORRIBLE.

BUT THAT’S OK.

Because my income doesn’t depend on it. My livelihood doesn’t depend on it. If I can’t blog about something, well… I can’t blog about something, period. If sometimes I drop the ball and a post is published after the point where it’s useful (or it is not published at all) that’s my call to make, and it’s my right to NOT be perfect. I feel awful when something with my contests goes awry (as it did this weekend), particularly because I feel that it reflects poorly on me and my work ethic. And I hold myself to really high standards.

But the truth is that, long as I continue to give my clients, my students and my colleagues my best, I don’t see why I need to be perfect, an overachiever, or do everything. I’m a human. And I’m quite ok with being a human, and with not being perfect.

Related posts:

1. Human on the inside
2. Why do we need to monitor human behavior?
3. Proposition 8 upheld: A sad day in gay and human rights

No, that’s definitely NOT me in the photo. I wish I had that vertical jump right now! Because of my knee injury, and my apparent inability to strengthen my core muscles ever since the injury, my vertical is not as high as it used to be. Which means, I can’t be a power hitter of the calibre shown on this photograph.

BUT

I can still be a competitive player. And I *love* being a power hitter. There’s a degree of freedom that comes from the ability to hit balls really hard. I have gone through all three positions. I began as a power hitter, then I graduated to middle blocker when my team needed a powerful block (and I was the strongest of my team) and then I went to setter when for some reason, my hitting and blocking abandoned me.

Of all three positions, I think I have always been a better power hitter. So when I participated this year in the evaluations for the VGVA Competitive I division (a division that I played in during the 2007-2008 academic year), I felt a really strange sensation. I’m fitter than ever (fitter than I was in graduate school, of course, and during the first years of my post-doctoral life) which means I was able to field balls and recover faster.

I also hit some amazing serves and kills (spikes). My volleying is better than it was in 2007-2008. BUT I feel still that there’s room for improvement. That is precisely the difference I feel and one of the reasons I’m so proud. 3 hours of gruelling evaluations each time left me with a body that aches in places I never knew it could hurt. BUT I know that if I work hard this 2011-2012, I might actually come back to the competitive level I always wanted: a similar level to when I was playing at the provincial/national junior team.

And THAT would be amazing.

Related posts:

1. Competitive volleyball
2. On adapting to being a middle blocker (volleyball)
3. My 2010: Going back to competitive volleyball

And the third thing, I will be taking 3 weeks off in December. And by off, I mean I will not be available for ANYONE other than my family. I already did one crazy thing that I think is really helping me reframe how I feel: I shaved my head completely. And in doing so, I’m also re-arranging my personal circle of close friends. You may not realize this, but I’m doing it the way I usually love doing things: in secret.

This is my time.

Related posts:

1. My 2010: Focus on my personal growth
2. 2011 in review: A year of personal loss
3. Charlie’s Angels coming to ABC this fall 2011

Coincidentally the day I shaved my head, my good friend Mat Wilcox (who is a cancer survivor) decided to cut her hair too. Such an amazing and beautiful coincidence. Mat and I had a wonderful chat about embracing change a few months ago, and we came full circle on our conversation recently when we met up for a glass of wine at Goldfish with a few other friends. I do feel different after having shaved my head. Not only in the silly, irrelevant elements (I cannot flick my hair and let it flow with the wind) but also in the most profound elements, as Minna indicated: I am letting go of one of the elements of my physique that I cherish the most.

By being ok with shaving my head, I have also tacitly and implicitly decided to be ok with giving up some things I love. I also equate shaving my head with shedding and shaving some of the irrelevant things in my life. I am, again, making my circle of friends smaller, tighter and closer. And I am quite ok with it. Embracing change, one little element at a time.

Related posts:

1. My 2012 Manifesto: Embracing Change
2. Head Above Water by Elements of Soul featuring Mia Taylor #MusicMonday
3. Elements of Soul featuring Mia Taylor – Head Above Water

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. — John Maxwell

I firmly believe that the best (though perhaps the most painful) way to grow is to learn from our mistakes. I often have pondered questions like “what if I had done my Masters and PhD in Chemical Engineering as I had planned all along instead of taking the career path I took with an MBA and a PhD in Environmental Studies?”. Or “should I have ever fallen in love, considering I have been heartbroken?” To Raul of 2011, maybe those decisions were (in hindsight) perhaps probably not the smartest ones. But those decisions made me the Raul I am today.

As I was growing up, I was a child prodigy in many ways. I won many “Youngest Ever” awards. I prided myself in being “the first to achieve X, Y or Z”. This fast-paced, grow-and-adapt-quickly-to-ever-changing-conditions behavior has been a consistent pattern for me. It’s one of the things that makes me realize that the hummingbird is, indeed, my spirit animal (or bird, in this case). I’ve always tried to do more things, faster, quicker, first, before anybody else. And of course, at some point, you grow old enough that you can’t win any more “Youngest Ever” awards. I reached that point when I was a PhD student, in fact.

So why have I always raced to the top, why have I always ran to achieve many things? Well, I have always felt that I will not be part of this living world to grow old. Not sure why but that’s something I have always felt. When I first expressed this to my parents, they were worried. My family and close friends get worried when I remind them that I can’t conceptualize myself in say, 30 years. And no, I absolutely have no suicidal tendencies. I just don’t seem to have the ability to think of myself as growing old. And because I have no idea how much time I have borrowed on this planet, I work incredibly hard to achieve as much as I can in the short time span that I have to live. Because let’s admit it, human beings don’t have precisely very long life spans (80-90 years old max in modern societies?)

But being a grown-up doesn’t necessarily equate with growing old. In the past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on how much more grown-up I feel, in particular as of August 2011. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes. I still do. But I do feel a certain calm. I feel absolutely no need to chase after blogging topics, projects and events. I feel that my blog is moving in a different (and much more focused) pathway. And so am I. As Cathy Browne put it when we had coffee recently, I look and feel older. Not older in the physical aging sense, but in the “old soul” sense. I feel like a veteran. In particular, I feel like a veteran blogger. And my friends seem to agree with this. On three separate occasions I have manifested this “I feel I’m a veteran/an oldie” sensation.

The first time was when I had the chance to hang out with my lovely friends Kate Trgovac and Rosemary Rowe (Kate gave me a laptop bag from her review stash as she knew I needed one) a few weeks ago. I told Kate and Rosemary that for some reason, I feel like I’m one of the veterans, the old guard (let’s face it, I’ve been at this blogging thing for more than 5 years). My peers and friends are many of the “old bloggers”, the established ones. Kate, Rebecca, Tris, Lorraine, Tanya, Airdrie and Derek, Rob and Alex, Arieanna, David, Darren, John, Gus, Isabella, to mention just a few. I told Kate and Rosemary that I didn’t feel in the same kind of “rat race” to achieve success in the blogging sphere as I might have felt a few years ago. For the most part, for whatever is worth and whoever reads my blog, I’m an established blogger.

The second time I thought about this was when Arieanna and Jessica and I had a drink at the Taphouse at the Village in Park Royal a few weeks ago after the Rogers Chocolate store opening. I told Arieanna that I felt older, more established. Like I had achieved with Hummingbird604.com much of what I had set out to accomplish. Many of my dearest and best friends came out of meeting them through the Vancouver Blogger Meetup or at meetups/tweetups/tech events. At drinks with Arieanna and Jessica, feeling that calm sensation of “yes, we were at a media event, but I’m here with a very close and old friend of mine from the blogging world“. I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I just felt… calm.

The third time I thought about this “being a veteran” was this past week at Launch Party Grow. Newer readers of my blog may not know that I owe much of my blogging success (particularly in the early stages) to tech-focused events like Launch Party, Northern Voice and BarCamp. I blogged about and liveblogged these tech events and became friends with the Vancouver tech/startup community and my readership grew by leaps and bounds. This week, even though I was extremely busy with other things, I made a point of attending Launch Party Grow. I felt that I owed it to Maura and Danny, Sonia and Tina to show up to an event that I had never missed and that tries to build community and shine light on the local startup scene. Much of what we do at The Network Hub has a very similar approach and goal. So, yes, I made time in my extremely busy calendar to show up and take photos, say hi to many of my tech friends and blog about Launch Party Grow (post forthcoming).

And recently Cathy Browne also told me that she saw me more poised, focused, calm and “as though I had grown older”. I think I have. And no, I’m not writing a 1,200 word self-praise manifesto. I am just reflecting on the fact that I do, indeed, feel that I’m at a completely different stage in my life. I am nowhere near where I was in 2007. I’ve grown a lot and I have many people to thank for that. Particularly from the blogging community in Vancouver. In fact, I can’t think of myself without adding “blogger” to the definition, despite the fact that my main activity is academic and consultant. Blogging is way too much of a passion and a way of living. It’s too ingrained in my nature. I also think that working on projects with friends (like Jay, John and Minna, Grace, Arieanna, Lisa, Kate and Rebecca) has really changed my view of how much I have in fact accomplished in a short period of time. I feel definitely like a veteran.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Related posts:

1. Meet the child of my upstairs neighbours!
2. Growing organically a Facebook page for Hummingbird604.com
3. My growing dependency on transit in the Metro Vancouver region

“There’s only one way to succeed in anything and that is to give everything.”
- Vince Lombardi

Every year, JT and I climb The Stawamus Chief in Squamish, not only as a tradition (we used to walk through Shannon Falls until they closed the trail right besides the falls. It’s not a bad hike, but it does require some effort to make it all the way up to the top, and I thoroughly enjoy the challenge. It’s particularly challenging to climb it when you’ve injured yourself, and yet the last time I went all the way up, it hurt.

My wrist wasn’t in good condition, neither was my physique. Yet I persevered and I climbed all the way to the top. I love the view from the top of the Stawamus Chief. It’s a feeling that I don’t think has matched any other of my accomplishments, not even when I walk up the Grouse Grind (note, walk up, not run up). Climbing a mountain has more than one particular meaning. It is also a metaphor for surviving.

The kind of challenges I’ve faced in the past few weeks, and in particular the last one, are nothing like the challenges some of my other friends are facing/have faced AND survived AND thrived. Some of my friends have lost family members, their beloved partners. Me? That’s not the case. Yes, I’ve lost friends, but for the most part, I am doing perfectly ok.

This past week was particularly rough on me as I have been missing people from my life. And no, having other friends available doesn’t really soothe me. It’s an ephemeral proposition. The energy to keep going needs to come from WITHIN me, not FROM anyone else.

For the most part, I give everything I do my all. And then there’s that point where I get tired, overwhelmed, overworked, and I feel miserable and alone. And I complain. And then I realize I have no reason to complain. Life, as I know it, is grand for me. Yeah, the weather has been less than stellar (with the exception of today), but, seriously – is there anything wrong with my life? No, there isn’t. Challenges, I’ll always be facing them. It’s the very nature of life.

But sometimes I’m afraid of making mistakes. And then I realize (as Lorraine said), that not making mistakes means I’m playing it too safe. And I didn’t get to where I am by playing it safe. It’s time to take more risks, perhaps more calculated (and more carefully measured) risks, but not to stop risking.

“Yesterday’s failures are today’s seeds that must be diligently planted to be able to abundantly harvest tomorrow’s successes.”
- Author Unknown

I hope I planted enough seeds this past week, because I am looking forward to more successes. It’s time to getting back to giving it all my all.

Related posts:

1. On giving thanks and the American tradition of Thanksgiving
2. On giving, helping people and protecting oneself
3. On giving oneself permission to NOT be perfect

I’m definitely very happy with my life, even more so right now. My consulting, my research, my teaching, and my social media lives are all working like well-greased little engines. But *just* staying there, cruising along, would be akin to stopping myself. Something I can’t nor will be able to afford.

I only half-jokingly referred to my team (Anabelle and Jessica) as Operation Universe Domination Team. I’m definitely not kidding. I know I can take myself, my team, my blog and my life to a completely different level. But to do that, I need to remove the clutter that every few months forms in my brain (and sometimes, in my physical living area) and spend time on self-reflection.

So today, on British Columbia Day (normally a statutory holiday), I’m going to do a tiny, tiny bit of work and then head out and find a beautiful spot in the lower mainland and just sit down and reflect on where I’m going and the pathway I’ve formulated for myself. August is going to be a great month, and I hope that 2011 will end really great.

On to you, my dear readers…

How often do you spend time on self-discovery?

Related posts:

1. The Shaw Ocean Discovery Centre (Sidney, BC) #sidneyshowcase
2. Quadra Island (Discovery Islands, British Columbia)

For those of you who believe in astrology, I’m a Virgo, and my Mom is a Leo. According to the horoscopes, technically Leo’s aren’t supposed to get along with Virgo’s. Strangely enough, my Mom is a Leo and my Dad is a Virgo. And they were married for more than 30 years (they’re no longer married but remain in incredibly amicable terms).

My Mom’s demeanor can be demure and sweet, but her inner personality is, really, that of a lioness. My Mom will not hesitate to maul and destroy anyone who attempts to hurt her children. Mom is incredibly polite and diplomatic but she’ll swiftly disarm anyone with her ability to pinpoint the weakness in people’s arguments. And my Mom is intimidating. Strangely enough, many of my friends and loved ones are intimidated by my Mom. I’m not surprised at all. She’s a Leo, after all.

So how did a woman with such inner strength and larger-than-life personality end up having a “hummingbird-like” son, who often shows himself vulnerable, sensitive and maybe even fragile? That’s anybody’s guesses. But I think I draw much of my inner strength from The Lioness. I’m energetic, fast, nimble like a hummingbird but I’m also emotionally very strong, much like a lion.

So that’s why I told my good friend Richard Loat (aka @Mozy19) that my Mom really didn’t identify herself with being called “Mama Hummingbird”, and I introduced him to the Lioness behind the Hummingbird. And it’s true. Just as they say in Spanish that behind every great man there’s a great woman, I’m as successful as I am because I have someone who loves me profoundly and who always has my back: My Mom.

Related posts:

1. The hummingbird as my symbol
2. A Parisian hummingbird
3. April White’s “Hummingbird I” (Powell River, Sunshine Coast) #scac2011

ACADEMIA: RESEARCH AND TEACHING

My teaching at UBC became the cornerstone of my 2010 and the foundation of an incredibly successful 2011. I was offered to teach all four courses I had always wanted to teach (Public Policy, Environmental Politics & Policy, Global Environmental Politics and the Comparative Politics of Public Policy). My research agenda (which for a while I felt had been stale) got kicked into high gear again. I started collaborating with a number of colleagues and building the foundation for new projects. I have been doing the academic conference circuit for the better part of 2011 and I have presented papers at conferences in Edmonton, Calgary, Seattle, and attended research meetings in Montreal (with the North American Commission for Environmental Cooperation). I also have 7 papers in progress in various stages of development. And in 2012 for the very first time, I will be teaching Latin American Environmental Politics, a course I’ve wanted to teach ever since I was a PhD student (and for the first few years of my PhD).

CONSULTING

My consulting also continued to thrive. I continued working with The Community Against Preventable Injuries. As I mentioned in an earlier post, 2011 has been nothing short of amazing in the professional realm. In 2011 I began partnering to work in a project with Invoke Media to help move the City of Surrey forward with their social media strategy. I am positively impressed. Both with the willingness of the City of Surrey Mayor, staff and Council to further their social media skills and implement some innovative projects, and with the expertise, skills and collaborative spirit of the Invoke Media team (Allison Vail, Peter Lanfear, Kate LeGresley). This project blends my social media and public policy expertise quite nicely and I’ve had a lot of fun with it.

COLLABORATIVE PROJECTS, PUBLIC SPEAKING AND BOOK WRITING

2011 also has given me the opportunity to partner in social media projects with some of my closest friends, which is an interesting turn of events. I co-wrote an e-book with Arieanna Schweber (Communities That Rock), and we’re in the process of creating the proposal to turn it into a full-fledged book. I co-taught 2 workshops and gave a keynote for WorkSafe BC alongside Rebecca Bollwitt , and I gave two workshops on social media in public policy along Kate LeGresley from Invoke. For the City of Surrey, I co-wrote the successful proposal with Grace Carter (who now works in a senior interactive position for Aritzia). All four of them are close friends of mine and it was thrilling to work with people you’ve been friends for a while, and maintain such strong professional respect.

ENTREPRENEURSHIP, COWORKING AND THE NETWORK HUB

For The Network Hub, it has been an exciting year too (you may remember that I’m a Senior Advisor to their Board). We took (well, Jay, Minna and John in consensus with my strategic advice) the plunge and decided to expand to New Westminster. Our new offices will be opening at River Market (near Westminster Quay). Gorgeous location, amazing project and we already are having people knock on our doors crossing their fingers that they’ll get a space in our new coworking location. So exciting!

VOLUNTEERISM: MENTAL HEALTH CAMP, FNOVAN AND THE VANCOUVER BLOGGER MEETUP

While I had been already focusing on trying to make this year the year where I focus only on me, and my own growth, I still volunteered. I collaborated with Erin Gee, Ashley Mangat and Niki Blasina on Fashion’s Night OUT on School (a fundraiser for Out on Schools) and while it was a great project, I feel that I could have done a better job than I did. Hopefully 2012 I’ll be more “on the ball”.

This year was a year of extreme personal loss and turmoil, both for me and for my good friend and co-organizer, Isabella Mori. We took the really drastic and sad decision to not hold Mental Health Camp Vancouver 2011 (obviously, trying to keep our own sanity and mental health). This was a REALLY hard decision to make, and we both were wavering and trying to keep it together and extract energy from nowhere to do the project. We just couldn’t do it. Not without compromising our own mental health, which would have been ironic.

(UPDATE – I had forgotten about the Vancouver Blogger Meetup!) I had almost decided to give up being the Organizer of the Vancouver Blogger Meetup (something I’ve been doing since April of 2008) simply because I was exhausted and overworked. But thanks to the awesomeness of Shane Birley and Jonathon Narvey (my Assistant Organizers) and the year-round sponsorship of space by The Network Hub (thank you!) we managed to reach and stabilize attendance at least at 40 people per meetup.

Being more structured about the meetup, scheduling it rigorously to the second Wednesday of every month, and mixing both social events and learning events has actually had a very positive effect on the Meetup. Thanks Shane, Jonathon and The Network Hub – I will continue to be the Organizer simply because I have a great team and great members of the Vancouver Blogger Meetup (it’s a free meetup, by the way and no previous knowledge is required).

MY PERSONAL GROWTH

This is where I think I’ve achieved the most growth. Looking over my “Personal Life” tag, I realize that yes, I wrote a little too many posts saying I was exhausted. But towards April of 2011 I found that I was less, and less tired. Teaching a 1-2-1 load (as I’m teaching this year) is exhausting, but I’m absolutely thrilled to be doing it.

Putting my well being before others
I’ve learned how to say no, although I’m by no means perfect at this. I’ve began rejecting invites to dozens of events, and I’m still in the process of adjusting to giving myself the freedom to NOT do something, or NOT to write about something, or NOT to attend. And I’ve also had a few guest-bloggers. And my traffic (which I know nobody is supposed to care about) has not gone down. IT HAS GROWN. A LOT.

My good friend Derek’s death impacted me the most this year. It was that what made me realize that I am on loan on this planet, and that if I don’t take care of myself, nobody will. In fact, so many of my close friends (Derek, Airdrie, Minna, Jay, obviously JT and more) insisted so much that I need to take care of myself that focusing on this goal (putting myself first before others) has been much easier.

Improving my photography
While I totally wanted to buy myself a DSLR, I realized that because 2011 was the year of the budget, I would need to spend my money on academic travel and equipment for my consulting and research. Therefore, I stayed with my trusty point-and-shoot cameras. Despite this relative equipment shortfall, my photography has been improving quite dramatically. I think that I’ve refined my eye, and I’m quite happy with it.

Having time to read
This has been quite a challenge, but because I need to prepare lectures and I’m co-authoring papers, I now have to be again on top of the academic literature. Because of this fact, I have also realized that I can’t blog that much (much of the frequent posts you are seeing are posts I’ve already pre-written in my rather non-frequent spare time, and thus I have had the chance to not overwhelm myself with content).

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD?

I have mentioned to a number of friends that I’m going to go one of two routes with my two lives, and specifically with my academic and social media lives (route #1: hire help or route # 2: slow down/take a break). My consulting and academic lives are the priority, social media is a second-tier priority for me now. I do want to keep blogging on my personal site (this, Hummingbird604.com) but I don’t want to feel the pressure to cover events, etc. nor do I want to have my academic life have a negative impact (time-wise). So I’ve decided that I’m going to give hiring paid interns for my blog (and selling ad space to partially pay for the stipend) a whirl. If that doesn’t work, I think I’m either going to reduce the frequency of postings or simply, send Hummingbird604.com for a sabbatical.

My academic research is flourishing, my teaching is going extremely well, and I maintain at the very least one full consulting project that keeps me busy (and funds some of my fun activities). I love Hummingbird604.com, I love what being the Hummingbird has given me, but I’m not going to prioritize writing this blog over other parts of my life. There is so much competition in the Vancouver blogosphere, so much tension, passive-aggressive notes and so many online attacks, fights and struggles for something as simple as writing a blog post or getting invited (or not) to an event, that I am really tired of the drama that social media itself brings along. It’s a very powerful tool but it’s also a tool that can be misused.

I have no need to go out and seek opportunities for my blog. I get pitched hundreds of times a week and I’ve established a great network of people who realize that my blog is a good outlet for their projects. I know for a fact there’s a lot of people out there who feel a need that I don’t feel: they NEED to go out, attend events, write about them ALL THE TIME, be EVERYWHERE. They can do that. I don’t. I am really, really happy with the opportunities that having a decently and relatively high-traffic blog affords me. I am content with what I have. I am not the biggest or most popular blogger in Vancouver or in Canada, and I’m quite ok with it.

I don’t have everything I want, but I love EVERYTHING I have.

Moving forward, I think I’ve got the best deal of them all: I can choose the projects I want, I have the best clients, I work with the best people and have some of the brightest students in Canada. Really, what more can I ask for? Well, health, of course. I’m very happy to continue to exercise 6 days a week, spend time with my friends. My well-being is my priority, and nobody else’s. My Mom is here visiting me for a full month and I’m taking all the time I need to spend with her and travel around. I’m very, very happy. Despite all the pain that I’ve had to suffer, I am incredibly happy.

And that feels… AMAZING.

Related posts:

1. Raul’s 2010 manifesto, one year later…
2. 2011: The year of the budget
3. 2011 in review: A year of personal loss

Even though I already talked to my Dad this morning, I made the unfortunate mistake of calling my brothers who are in the same time zone as me as well (I’ve been up since 6am), and obviously I forgot that on a Sunday morning, there is no reason to be awake this early (well, except for me, as I was on the radio on a panel for Public Eye Online talking about the Vancouver post-Stanley Cup final riots and the role of social media). Today we celebrate Father’s Day worldwide (it coincides in Mexico and Canada, this time, as opposed to Mother’s Day). And while my Dad really doesn’t read my blog, I wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate him (and my brothers, all of whom are Dads too), as well as my friends who are fathers.

My Dad and I have a very special relationship. We’ve butted heads through the years on occasion, but we love each other profoundly, and many of my own personality traits are a direct reflection of my Dad. As Dad put it very aptly, I’m 50% him and 50% my Mom, pretty much a good split (with very opposite personalities, I might add).

My Dad taught me how to play piano, how to play tennis and basketball. He taught me the importance of taking time for self-reflection, and to celebrate the diversity within my own family. I mentioned last year about how he drove me over 800 miles for a job interview, because he knew that interview would be one of the most important interviews of my life.

My Dad and Mom may have disagreed on many things, but the one thing they always agreed on was that it was better to have ONE bad education than TWO good ones (e.g. they always decided on what was best for us by consensus, and they presented a united front all the time). And he and Mom always agreed that the priority as we grew up was to love our brothers before anybody else. They instilled in me and my brothers the sense of unity that characterizes my family.

I adore my brothers, all of them. They’re amazing individuals, wonderful professionals and amazing fathers. They have worked really hard to make their children’s lives the best they can, and they’ve been wonderful role models. I doubt I’ll have a chance to be a parent, sadly, but I try to be the best uncle to their children that I can.

On Father’s Day, many congratulations to all my friends who are fathers, to my brothers and to my own Dad. And also to the memory of my Grandpa Juan (my Mom’s Dad), who was an amazing father himself, and to whom I owe much of who I am now.

Happy Father’s Day.

Related posts:

1. Happy Father’s Day to my Dad and my brothers
2. Brothers and Sisters – A reminder
3. Happy Father’s Day

I just talked to my Mom this morning and it turns out that due to unforeseen circumstances, she can’t really come visit me in July of 2011, as we had planned all along (and as I had planned my own year). I totally understand how she wants to spend time with each of her five sons, and I don’t put any pressure on her to come visit me, but now I’m left scrambling trying to readjust my summer schedule. Stay tuned. Fingers crossed for a Mom visit towards mid-end of June.

Related posts:

1. The good and the bad of family success
2. Happy 4th of July to my American friends and family!
3. Mamma Mia in Vancouver, The North American Tour (Broadway Across Canada)

Anybody who knows me well knows that, while I enjoy consulting, and doing academic research, my absolute passion is teaching. I began teaching since I was probably 9 or 10. I was the youngest ever member of the volunteer literacy instructors for the Institute for Adult Education in Mexico (Instituto Nacional para la Educación de los Adultos, INEA). I volunteered for INEA from when I was 10 to about 15, teaching adults who could easily be my parents how to read and write.

Teaching is, without a doubt, the one thing I feel I’m most passionate about. I enjoy the “aha!” moment where my students’ faces lit up. I am thrilled when I hear comments like “you made me a better person” or “I had to come home after hanging out with my friends because I was enjoying writing my final paper“.

So many of my students have gone on and done amazing things. I have former students working for the David Suzuki Foundation, for the Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) and for the United Nations Secretariat. Some of my students have done their graduate degrees at Carleton, London School of Economics and Columbia University.

And all of them keep in touch and tell me every so often how much impact I have had in their lives. With my good friend Derek K. Miller’s memorial taking place today, I completely forgot about May 15th, when in Mexico we celebrate “El Dia del Maestro” (the day of the educator). My late Auntie, my Mom, two of my brothers and I have all been professors, and all of my family has at some point taught or tutored. And my good friend Airdrie Hislop Miller is also a teacher, and she loves it.

I want to take a minute to celebrate the educators in my life (colleagues, especially), my former professors in Mexico and those who continue to sacrifice selflessly teaching – simply because teaching is about transforming individuals. And that’s all I can aspire to do, to leave an impact on this world.

Related posts:

1. Mexican mainstream media sucks: The case of the Mexican divers
2. The Mexican elections
3. Mexican Independence Day 2010 – Celebrating a bicentennial anniversary

Related posts:

1. On the close bond between children and mothers
2. Mothers & Daughters Premiere at 319 Main (First Weekend Club)
3. Happy Mother’s Day

And today, as I’ve spent most of today on campus dealing with students, working on a keynote speech and 2 workshops and checking some stuff on a paper that I am co-authoring, I realized that I have been grieving in the face of life. I lost a member of my family, yes, but the world didn’t stop. I have deadlines to comply with, workshops to speak at, research papers to submit and present, final student papers to grade. I would love to put a stop on the world, but I can’t because life has to go on and it has deadlines and I have to comply with them.

And I didn’t write this post to ask for comfort or to have any of my work commitments “taken away”. I’ll comply with my deadlines, with the stuff I have to deal with. Because life goes on. But the lesson has been imprinted in my brain indelibly. I will never again let my work commitments consume my life in such a way that I forget what is really most important: family and friends.

Related posts:

1. Regaining control of my life
2. In the face of adversity
3. Google Calendar owns my life

I’m not a physician so I don’t really know if there is a cause-effect link between working long hours and increased risk of heart disease. I’m a doctor of a different kind (a Doctor of Philosophy in Resource Management and Environmental Studies, with a major focus in Political Science and Public Policy and a minor focus in Geography). But the truth of the matter is, I work anywhere between 11 and 16 hour days, with frequency.

Although I do take time off, it sometimes seems it’s not enough.

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about how I didn’t think I was a workaholic. I have been slowly cutting down on the stuff I do. And of course, feeling slightly overwhelmed right about now has much to do with the fact that it’s the end of the academic term at the university, and I have to do a lot of grading.

photo credit: JonDissed

Still, it was worrisome to receive the link this morning from JT on the potential link between working long hours and increased risk of heart disease. If he is getting a little worried (and he knows me probably better than almost anyone else in Vancouver), then that means that I might need to stop and reflect on it and assess whether I am, indeed, taking care of myself before I take care of others. Yes, I am working out, exercising, eating well and spending time with my friends. Yes, my academic and consulting careers are blossoming and I’m incredibly successful, but I don’t want that success to come at the expense of continuing to work long hours. I just looked at my calendar for the rest of April and May, and it looks insanely busy.

For a while now Derek and Airdrie both have encouraged me to cut down on stuff. I’m just in the process of carving time for myself to reflect on where else to cut (if I told you how many things I have turned down in the last 3 months, you would be surprised!). And took today (Saturday) off for the most part, in order to concentrate precisely on thinking of what else to cut.

Do you think that there is a link between working long hours and increased risk of heart disease? Do you put in long hours? How to strike a good balance?

Related posts:

1. On working from home and multi-tasking
2. Telecommuting and working from home
3. The culture of working at coffee places

I woke up this morning to a cute @ reply (or mention as it’s lately called) indicating that today was my 3 years on Twitter. Rarely do I ever think about how long (or how much time) I have spent on Twitter. Except today. During these three years, I’ve typed 93,673 tweets, favorited 2,027, and about 6,995 folks read my tweets. I have built a community around me, and have managed to enjoy my time on Twitter.

I purposefully eschew adding words on to my Twitter profile such as a ‘social media speaker, consultant and maven’, simply because I think that one of the best ways to do social media right is to be an example (also because I hate the self-appointed social media gurus). Lucky for me, a number of folks seem to enjoy what I have to say online. And for that, I’m grateful.

I have my own Twitter quirks (I can’t follow everybody because my brain doesn’t have the capacity to process that much information, I absolutely hate, despise and refuse to get Direct Messages and sometimes I’m chatty whereas other times I don’t tweet at all).

But the one thing that Twitter has given me in these three years (in addition to more speaking and consulting gigs) is the opportunity to meet amazing people, make new friends and stay in touch with my loved ones whom I normally don’t have the time to see. That’s why I love Twitter.

As I mentioned in my very first Twitter profile: Twitter is my playground. And I hope to continue to be able to engage with my online community the way I have so far. And of course, while you’re not obligated to do so by any stretch of the imagination, you can follow me on Twitter here (@hummingbird604).

Related posts:

1. On the Twitter 101 for Business guide from Twitter
2. Twitter has officially become mainstream – my civilian friends know all about Twitter
3. Twitter as an online social space to hang out virtually and enable offline interaction

For the first time in AGES, I got sick and recovered in exactly 72 hours. That was unheard of. When I used to get sick, I used to spend weeks getting better. Yes, I have a lot of papers to mark, consulting to do, seminars to present, research to finish. But you know what? As I complete each and every one of my tasks, I realize that I feel definitely in control. Exercising 6 days a week has definitely proven successful.

More importantly, I want to thank the people who love me for reminding me that I was *this* close to burning out. The people who kept reminding me to take care of myself before taking care of others. And to all of them, especially my good friend Derek K. Miller, who kept reminding me about “stopping to do things that overwhelmed me”.

I’ve regained control of my life.

Related posts:

1. 2010: The year pollution control retook the center stage from climate change
2. Grieving in the face of life
3. Upcoming changes in my life

You may be wondering why I haven’t blogged in a while. Well, after a long streak of not getting sick (possibly a solid 2 years), my body finally gave in. On Tuesday I got a head cold that progressed rapidly. After my classes and one event on Tuesday, the evening and most of Wednesday I spent in bed (asleep).

I don’t think I had ever slept 19 hours in 24 (I don’t get to sleep that much in 3 days!). Thursday I taught completely overdosed on cold medicine and today I feel much better. But I recognized that I need to take better care of myself.

The past few weeks (heck, the past few months) have been a roller coaster. Not to complain, as my projects are going extremely well. But the fact of the matter is, a lot of negative stuff has been happening to my loved ones and it ends up affecting me collaterally as well. Hopefully this too shall pass.

Related posts:

1. And… I finally did it… I managed to make myself sick.
2. No content for a short while
3. Is this fall, winter or what?

Nothing further from the truth.

But here I am, baring my own thoughts for the world to read. Even my thoughts that criticize TED and TEDx as elitist brands. And in a nothing-short-of-spectacular-life-coming-back-full-circle way, I found through two completely different routes the TEDxHouston 2010 talk of Dr. Brené Brown on the power of vulnerability (Dr. Brown studies vulnerability in a very different way to the way *I* study vulnerability – I study vulnerability and resilience of urban ecosystems, whereas she studies human behavior, compassion and courage – but I digress). And for the second time ever (the first, Jane McGonigal’s talk on games and saving the world) I felt inspired and I felt a real connection to the topic.

And the crazy thing is: I felt inspired by a TEDx talk.

You’ll see – a couple of years ago, I had a fantastic phone conversation with my friend Robert Ballantyne, who indicated to me that perhaps one of the reasons why my blog and my online persona (as Hummingbird604) are so successful is that I show myself vulnerable (not as the ivory-tower academic self that I also have). Not weak, not incapable of doing anything, just vulnerable. And what Brené said in her talk, being able to be comfortable with being vulnerable is actually really empowering, resonated with me and with the conversation I had with Robert. So much so that I had to blog about it.

Being able to say “I love you”first, is perhaps one of the key phrases that Brené’s talk really resonated in my brain. I love fully, completely, deeply, even though I have been heartbroken. I do everything I do with passion, with love and with my whole self. As Brené’s research would indicate, I live wholeheartedly. And I love it.

It really inspired me to see the theme of vulnerability permeate through my own academic, teaching and online lives. Like Brené, I am BOTH an academic AND a storyteller. And like Brené, I love qualitative research (we just focus on very different things). And I also remembered last fall, when I attended Susanne Conrad’s workshop at Imagine 1 Day, I remembered what my friend André Malan said to me: “you are a lot more human and less bullet-proof than Hummingbird604 is”. And it’s true. I’m vulnerable. And I’m quite happy with it.

In letting my students see both of my lives (my quite-neatly-separated personal and professional selves), I recognize there’s an inherent vulnerability. But that’s also what makes me different and puts me in a very different position to other educators who may or may not want to show a vulnerable side of them: I am a human being too, and in being human, I also may have pitfalls and shortcomings. I’m not only the flawless, hard-working professor Pacheco, but I am also Raul, who can at times feel exhausted, frustrated, and why not? sad too.

For the second time ever, a TED talk has inspired me, and I want to thank Brené Brown, PhD for a most inspiring message: vulnerability DOES have inner power. And quite frankly, unashamedly and unabashedly, I honestly believe I am enough (if you watch Brené’s talk, you will understand what I meant by that).

For your viewing pleasure, here is her TEDx talk.

Related posts:

1. On being chipil and vulnerability
2. My panel talk at Independent Power Producers ’09 #ippbc09
3. Adaptation and vulnerability to floods and climatic events in Mexico

My friendships are very important to me, as anybody who reads my blog will know (and anybody who knows me at all). So much so that I make the time in my hyper busy schedule to at least, see most of my good friends once or twice in a period of 2 months at the bare minimum. In Mexico, February 14th marks “The Day of Love and Friendship” (Día del Amor y la Amistad). For me, Valentine’s Day has always been, a celebration of friendship.

This year, for the first time ever, I organized giveaways for Valentine’s Day, and I hope at least to have brightened some folks’ days with that. Thanks to every company who partnered with me for those giveaways (also, full disclosure: I did NOT receive any freebies from any of the companies that sponsored my contests for myself, all promotional items went to the winners of my contests, my readers).

I know for some people Valentine’s Day is a day that they dread or annoys them. For me, as it is a day when I acknowledge how lucky I am to have the friends I do, and how lucky I am that they love me as much as I love them, it’s never a day that I dislike. Today and every day, to those of you whom I am honored to call friends: THANK YOU.

For being there for me.
For reminding me of who I am every day.
For celebrating my successes and helping me stand up when I fall.
For laughing with me when happy times hit and for consoling me when I’m sad.
For loving me for who I am and not for who other people think I am.
For not letting me burn out and reminding me to take time for myself.
For supporting me in succeeding in my chosen career path.

The list is too long (and I feel blessed about that!), but you know who you are, and I love you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Related posts:

1. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, 2011 edition
2. Happy New Year 2011
3. More happy anniversaries! and a Happy Anniversary Registry

Having committed to a full-time academic/consulting career and a full-time social media life (and by that I mean, participating in events, providing exposure, organizing contests, etc.) was a decision I made 2 years ago and it was carefully calculated. I measured my own progress in taking care of myself and so on. I focused my holiday on writing a book around water governance in Mexico (and I *love* research and writing).

I should have just rested.

I figured I could come back in January with the same level of energy. I didn’t. January is a tough month by all measures, I am teaching 2 courses, and my consulting and research are full-fledged and blossoming. So I can’t really do everything I thought I was capable of doing, even if I am organized and wake up early. I overdid it. I accept it. I talked to JT this past weekend and said to him that I could easily see the signs of burnout. We had dinner on Saturday and the topic permeated throughout our conversation.

It’s a fact, I’m going to have to cut down, and I know I promise this to myself all the time, but the fact is, this time I can see the effects of overcommitting to things. I got sick on Thursday. I calculated how many contests I was running and I thought to myself “oops, I think I’m running way too many”. I love giving, and giving of myself, but if I am to keep my 2011 promise to take myself as a priority, I need to start doing that.

RIGHT NOW.

Related posts:

1. I need a new cell phone, so I’m accepting suggestions
2. Accepting suggestions for my 1000th post
3. Accepting intolerance? Never.

There are few periods during a year’s 12 months that hurt more and when I experience an immense amount of sadness and grief than the first few weeks of the year (January) and February 1st. For the past 12 years, I have known exactly why this happens: because these were the weeks leading to my Auntie’s death. My Auntie was my Mom’s older sister. Never married, she took care of us (and especially me).

My Auntie would make my breakfasts and lunches on days when my Mom and Dad were too pressed for time and had to take care of my other four brothers too. I stayed at my Auntie’s all the time and she drove me everywhere: from theatre and dance practice to volleyball practice to school, to my best friends’ houses, etc. She was, for all practical purposes, my second mother.

So when we found out that she had lung cancer, my world disintegrated in a matter of hours. I felt so impotent. I spent countless hours studying about cancer research trying to figure out if there was something we could do. I called and emailed doctors, begging them to let my Auntie into experimental treatments. Nothing was enough. My Auntie was Stage IV and thus there was pretty much nothing to be done. And when she finally passed away on February 1st, 1999, I crumbled.

Year after year, I feel the same sense of loss and grief right after December 31st, and all the way leading up to (including) February 1st. And then, for some reason, I seem to recover emotionally after February 2nd. I think about my Auntie every day, and as I was walking to the bus stop this cold morning, I thought to myself “well, one thing is certain – my Auntie would be proud of what I have accomplished and how far I have come.

I miss you, Auntie L. I really do.

Related posts:

1. Starting February with challenges
2. What is left unsaid often hurts
3. Cancer: Once my enemy, always my enemy [Post from the archives]

A number of friends asked me if I had written a “Goals for 2011″ blog post the same way I did for 2010 with my “in 2010 I want to focus on my personal growth” manifesto. You could say that my 2011 manifesto is “to take care of myself before I take care of others“. Differently from how I felt about my 2010 major goal, in 2011 I am not 100% sure of the actual pathway. Particularly as I start 2011 helping organize a charitable event (you’ll hear more at the beginning of the coming week). And I still work the 7 day work week.

Those of you who have read Tim Ferriss’ book “the 4 hour work week” may find some resonance with both our titles (full disclosure, I have NEVER read anything of Tim Ferriss, other than a ONE-time glimpse at his Twitter feed). But the truth is, the reason why I thought of the fact that I continue to have a 7 day work week is that, much as I have begun to say NO to a lot of things and try to cut down on commitments, I still work 7 days a week.

I thought of staying at my office late last night (I did end up leaving after 8pm) so I could finish all the work I had pending and my body just couldn’t take it. I had to go home and eat dinner and go to bed. And despite the fact that people seem to continue to think that blogging is an activity that does not take time, maintaining this blog DOES take a lot of time, and should be considered work.

Liaising with PR folks, theatre producers, restaurant managers and other people who approach me to blog about them DOES take time (I wrote a lengthy post on the value of time a while ago that I need to polish and publish). Running contests, contacting winners, mailing prizes DOES take time. So, while I still blog for myself and I love it, it’s still work. I still have to think about an editorial calendar (thanks to my friend Kate Trgovac for the idea). I still have to write blog posts, find photos to go with my posts (or upload my own). All these activities take time!

So I end up working 7 days a week. My goal for 2011 is to go down from working 7 days a week to a maximum of 6 and hopefully to a maybe longer work week (I work easily 9-14 hour days sometimes) but hopefully, full weekends and more holidays this year. That’s one of my goals in 2011 – to move slowly away from the 7 day work week.

Related posts:

1. Bike To Work Week BC (Nov 1-7, 2010)
2. Get up and work, first thing in the morning
3. Scheduling project work early in the morning

Oh, 2010, what a good year you have been to me. You gave me professional, academic, consulting, physical health and social media successes. During 2010, I spent a substantial portion of my budget in strengthening my body, reclaiming my health, shedding 35 pounds and reducing 5 waist sizes (you couldn’t see them, but yes, I had extra pounds, quite a few of them actually).

I wrote blog posts about the cost of getting back in shape, and as I review my budget for 2011, I realize that I am now spending a relatively substantial amount of money in gym memberships, equipment (both for my exercising and for my blogging, teaching and research – I had to replace my digital camera, and some of my chargers both for my cameras and my iPhone), etc. I have also added on top a data plan (which deserves a whole write up in and of itself).

While I do have a couple of new projects coming up, and the fact that I teach more classes also increases to some extent my income, I do have to prioritize my travel money (not all conference travel is sponsored, and I’m determined to do the 2011 academic conference circuit, so I’ll have to save money to sponsor my own travelling around to present papers and my research). So, I do think that 2011 will be the year of the budget.

That’s ok. It’s not like I have not learned to live a budgeted, modest life. As mentioned a couple of years ago, the reason why I have lived this modest life is 3 graduate degrees (2 Masters and 1 PhD) and a crushing debt. But I’m on my way out of debt too!

Related posts:

1. Budget your time according to your priorities
2. My 2011 Manifesto: Status Update at Mid-Year
3. 2011 in review: A year of personal loss

Related posts:

1. My goals for 2011: More time for reading
2. Photography is in the eye and in the heart
3. My #wcyyj10 #yyjWordCamp slides on Blogging for Professional and Personal Goals

In the Mexican and Spaniard traditions, Christmas is celebrated on the Eve rather than on Christmas Day. That’s something I have never gotten used to, in all the years I have lived in an Anglo-Saxon country. This time, while I am sad I did not get to spend Christmas with my actual blood family (my parents are in Mexico right now, two of my brothers are there, and two are in the US and I’m here in Canada, and given that we all have very busy schedules, a family reunion is both impractical and impossible, financially and logistically speaking). Living in a foreign country for more than half of my life has meant that I have a very loose sense of home.

My home is Vancouver, for anyone who asks. This city is where I have grown up, thrived, fallen in love, been heartbroken, faced my life’s most difficult challenges and survived them. So, while I am not spending Christmas “at home”, I am lucky to be part of the family Christmas of good friends here in Victoria, who follow the Latin American tradition of Christmas Eve dinner.

I was raised Catholic, and in the Catholic tradition, Christmas Eve is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. While I have never discussed religion on this blog, nor do I plan to, it’s always interesting to me to see how towards the end of the year, during the holidays (whether secular or religious), people tend to be way more generous. I myself have found that it’s easier for me to give stuff away during this period. Not because I am rich or have a lot of money. Simply because it’s Christmas.

Being on holidays is also meaning that I’m working on a book that I have been trying to finish since 2008, a book on wastewater governance in Mexico. Yes, I know. Not much of a holiday. But at least, I get to do what I love doing: my academic work.

To those of you who celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas, and to those of you who don’t, enjoy these couple of days anyways.

Much love from me.

Related posts:

1. Merry Christmas 2007!
2. Merry Christmas Eve 2011
3. Merry White Christmas in Vancouver (Canada)

And we do.

We have the ability to make things happen.

And that’s something I just can’t let go of.

Whenever I think back about what has happened to me in 2010 (perhaps one of my absolute best years), and in fact in the past couple of years, I think about all the wonderful things I have made happen. I ponder about whether I would have been able to co-organize Mental Health Camp Vancouver 2009 and 2010 if I didn’t have the support system I have. If I would have had the support for the BC Cancer Foundation that I did during my Blogathon in 2009. I wonder if I could have been able to face all the challenges and make all the things that I (in collaboration with a number of people, because nobody achieves things only on their own) made possible this year.

I am successful here not only because I work really hard but because I have the infrastructure, the framework, the relationships, the collaborative network, the friendships and love of the people who support my work. Moving back to Mexico (or moving elsewhere in the world) would mean starting all over again.

And I don’t know if I can or want to do that.

Maybe the hummingbird is not a migratory bird after all.

Related posts:

1. Making my apartment nicer, one step at a time
2. The potential move from Blogger to WordPress
3. The things I hate the most