Six years ago on this day

Six years ago, on this day, I was on the other end of the worst phone call of my life.

You had found out that your feelings for me were no longer the same.
You had decided that you were yearning for something else.
You expressed despair as I asked what was going on.
And then you told me that our relationship was no more what I thought it was.

Perhaps…

Perhaps I should have restrained myself. From loving you.
I still remember the day when you told me you couldn’t help it but be in love with me.
I told you all the reasons why our relationship couldn’t be.
I explained to you, in thorough detail, the size of the debacle that would ensue should we ever break up.
And then you kissed me.

I don’t know why I’m such a dual soul, a dual personality.
My brain is usually governed by my braincells. I’m analytic, I’m predictive. I reason.
But my heart and passion can sometimes overshadow my cerebral self.
That’s something you knew and that’s how you got into my life and into my heart.
I let you in, and I paid the consequences.

Six years ago on this day I realized that you weren’t right for me.
Six years ago on this day I discovered that my heart could be broken.
Six years ago on this day I went through the worst break up of my life.
And I survived.

I know where you are. I know what you do for a living. I know the kind of life you lead.
But more importantly, I know that I’m over you.
Because, much as I am writing this post about how much pain you caused me, I don’t care about you.
At all.

I wrote this entry to test my ability to put in words raw emotions.
I wrote this entry to remind myself that I’m better than that.
I wrote this entry because I wanted you.
And because, six years ago on this day, my real life began.

Without you.

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